


you're not losing me

by escapismandsharpobjects



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: "I can't lose you too", Emotional Hurt/Comfort, FebuWhump2021, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Post-Lawsuit (9-1-1 TV), bc i am a sappy motherfucker sometimes, hen and chim are there but not very long
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:22:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29687367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escapismandsharpobjects/pseuds/escapismandsharpobjects
Summary: febuwhump day 24: "i can't lose you too" (alt no.2). buck does something reckless on a call. eddie panics. feelings are made known. promises are made (some promises, anyway).
Relationships: Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV) & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 16
Kudos: 241





	you're not losing me

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this fic is set sometime after shannons death and the lawsuit but idk when and it doesn't really matter. just like know thats the general time period lol. hope you enjoy :)

Buck’s running back into the burning building before Eddie can even reach out and touch him, stop him. One second he’s next to Eddie and Bobby, surveying the flames, and the next there’s the sound of a scream from inside the house, and Buck’s taking off. 

Without even thinking, Eddie moves to follow him, but he’s stopped by Bobby’s firm hand on his shoulder. He  _ knows  _ he could shrug him off, chase after Buck, but there’s something in the way Bobby’s grabbing him that stops him from moving.

He watches, stock-still, as Buck reenters the building, which moments ago the team had vacated due to its being too unstable. And Eddie knows, _ knows,  _ he’d do the same thing Buck is doing now, hell, he  _ would  _ be doing it, were it not for Bobby holding him back with that firm grip that screams  _ something is wrong.  _

“You are  _ not  _ following him,” Bobby says, at the same time that he pushes the button on his radio. 

“Buck, get out of there,  _ now,” _ he instructs, and his voice is forceful but there’s a note of fear underlying it that makes Eddie’s blood run cold. Bobby’s hand clamps down harder on his shoulder, almost painful now. 

“Don’t,” he instructs, leaving no room for argument.

Buck’s voice comes back through the radio, slightly garbled. “Almost got her,” Eddie manages to make out. He breathes a sigh of relief, feels Bobby’s hand relax slightly from his shoulder. Maybe there hadn’t been anything to worry about, maybe he should run in after Buck now, maybe...

The roof of the house caves in with a deafening crash that leaves an eerie silence in its wake. No one speaks, no one moves, for one single second, and then  _ everyone  _ is moving into action, and all Eddie can think is  _ not him too. _ Buck  _ can’t  _ be dead.

He tries his own radio, calling out to Buck, but gets no reply. All around him other firefighters are moving, and even Bobby’s in action, leaving Eddie to do whatsoever he pleases, but Eddie doesn’t do anything. He feels frozen. He feels helpless. He  _ can’t  _ lose Buck. 

He can’t move. He stares at the ground and tries to not think about Buck trapped or hurt or dead. He tries not to think about Shannon, about her blood on the concrete and the way it had felt to know that someone he loved was dying. 

It is happening again. He  _ still  _ can’t move. 

And then, there’s a shout, and he forces his eyes up. For a second, he doesn’t believe what he’s seeing. But there he is - Buck, stumbling out of the ruins of the building, an unconscious woman thrown over his shoulder, _ alive. _

Eddie watches like he is outside of everything as Buck carries the woman to Hen and Chim, who are prepped with a gurney. He watches Buck remove his helmet, looking sweaty and sooty but otherwise completely  _ fine.  _

He sees Bobby approach Buck, sees the two hug, sees Bobby smack Buck lightly on the back of the head. He sees Hen and Chim climb into the ambulance with the woman, sees Bobby gesture at it and Buck shake his head. 

He still feels like he can’t move. 

And then he sees Buck look around, meets his eyes through the visor of his own still-on helmet, and feels his eyes fill unwittingly with tears. He tears his gaze away, forces his feet to  _ finally  _ move, but away from Buck, until he’s hidden in the shadow of the truck. 

A moment later, Buck approaches him, and he really does look so  _ alright  _ that Eddie damn near collapses in relief. 

—

Buck follows Eddie behind the truck, curiosity overtaking the adrenaline that’s slowly stopping its relentless course through his veins. His mind is going a mile a minute, wondering why Eddie’s apparently hiding from him, rather than maybe congratulating him on his epic rescue or berating him for not waiting for Eddie to come along, or  _ something, _ anyway. 

He steps into the shadow of the truck, sees Eddie’s head raise to look at him, sees him stumble backwards until he collides with the side of the truck. 

“Whoa, you good?” Buck asks, hurrying to his best friend’s side. He tries to reach out and place a steadying hand on Eddie’s shoulder, but Eddie pulls away. 

“Hey,” Buck says, his voice now all seriousness. “Eddie. What’s wrong?”

Eddie isn’t looking at him. His face is turned away towards the ground, and his helmet is still on his head, like he’s just forgotten to take it off, which isn’t like him. Something’s wrong.

“Eddie,” Buck repeats, stepping closer.  _ “Eddie.” _

Very carefully, he reaches up and removes Eddie’s helmet, looking for the first time at his face. 

It’s hard, lips drawn thin and eyes steely like he’s angry, or concentrating really hard on something that he doesn’t want to be concentrating so hard on. “Eddie,” he says again, for what feels like the millionth time. “What’s wrong?”

And then Eddie’s face  _ isn’t  _ all hard and drawn. It’s scrunched up and has the look of someone trying - and failing - to keep themself controlled. And he’s _ crying. _ It takes Buck a second to process that, and as soon as he does, he feels worry rush through him. Eddie  _ doesn’t  _ cry. 

He’s already standing pretty close to Eddie, but he steps closer still, until their bodies are nearly touching. 

“Please, Eddie,” he says. “Tell me what's wrong.”

Eddie breathes in a shuddery inhale, sniffles, and wipes a hand under his eyes that doesn’t do much of anything as his tears continue to fall. Part of Buck wants to reach out and brush them away, to  _ touch  _ Eddie, to let him know he’s not alone in whatever this is. 

Not that he’d do that now, bring this whole new  _ thing  _ into their relationship when it’s clear there’s something that’s not right. 

“I-” Eddie starts, then stops, breath heaving. 

“It’s okay,” Buck says, as comfortingly as he can. “Nice and slow, yeah?”

Eddie nods, and then speaks, his voice as soft and as scared as Buck has ever heard it. 

“You went back in there. You went back and I couldn’t follow you and then the roof collapsed and then you were just...you were just  _ gone. _ And I couldn’t move and I thought you must be dead and I can’t - you can’t die, Buck, I can’t lose you too.”

Eddie leans his head back against the truck when he’s finished speaking, and this time Buck doesn’t stop himself. He puts a hand out, touches it to Eddie’s cheek, presses their foreheads together, and for a second just  _ breathes, _ hoping like hell Eddie won’t shove him off. 

He doesn’t, so Buck takes that as his cue to speak. “You’re not losing me, Eddie,” he says, and he wants it to be a promise, but it’s one he knows he can’t make. 

“You don’t know that,” Eddie whispers. “You don’t…”

“I  _ know  _ I can’t make any promises,” Buck agrees, voice equally soft. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t try my hardest to stay with you.”

For a second after that, neither of them speaks. Buck listens to Eddie’s breathing, hearing it slowly even out. Their foreheads are still pressed together, and Buck’s hand is still on Eddie’s cheek, and he can feel that they’re on the edge of  _ something. _

He pulls back just a bit, looking at Eddie. He’s sweaty and tearstained and there’s this look on his face that Buck thinks he would do anything to banish forever, but despite all of that Eddie looks beautiful. He looks like something that Buck, too, can’t lose. 

So he says it, pushes himself off that edge. “Listen, Eddie. We both know I can’t make any promises. I can’t swear that I’ll stay by your side forever. You can’t swear you’ll stay by mine. But that doesn’t make us any less real. It doesn’t make us weaker. I think...I think maybe it makes us stronger, you know?  _ Knowing  _ what we could lose,  _ fighting  _ to never lose it. I am  _ not  _ letting you lose me that easily. I’m not letting  _ Chris  _ lose me that easily. I’m not leaving you if I can help it.”

He takes a breath, meets Eddie’s eyes, wonders if he needs to say it. 

“I love you,” Eddie says, and he looks down, away from Buck, like he’s not sure Buck’s gonna say it back. 

Buck gently grabs Eddie’s chin, guiding his head up so they’re looking at each other again. He looks into Eddie’s eyes and smiles, sees the ghost of a smile appear on Eddie’s own face.

“I love you too, Eddie. And  _ that  _ is something I can promise will never change.”

**Author's Note:**

> am i getting too repetitive with these? very possibly. but i simply love these two too much to stop. anyway now it is time for some Me News again! so today i found out that my picture won best in show in an art contest!! which is so crazy...like i did Not think i was good enough for that kinda thing but whaddaya know! Insane. and like last week i knew about the scholarship im a finalist for but this week it was like. official and damn. this could be one of the best weeks of my life were it not for the fact that i am sick! unfair...   
> anyhow enough of me. thank you so so much for reading this and i hope you liked it!!! if you comment you will make my day :)


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